Chapter 19 - America

Having a bit of money I had come by in the military, I travelled the west coast. I went back to my birthplace in California, and remembered the pain of what had happened with solitude. I wandered as far as Alaska, living off of what I had and what others were willing to give me. I drank and celebrated my youth, and I felt beautiful for the first time, having always thought I would be ugly from the wounds of my childhood.

I found it difficult to settle down as I began to realize I was a homosexual. I didn't know instantly that I was attracted to women, but I felt it more over time, understanding that my feelings were difficult to express even in this changing world. My parents had sent me to programs for my homosexuality in Europe, but I didn't seem to care. Redeeming my status as a US Marshall, I opted to find a loophole. By the Organized Crime Control Act of 1970's Witness Protection program, also known as WITSEC, I filed paperwork to enter witness protection as a male. No one stopped me, or even asked me to prove I was male. People warned me about it, but I didn't heed their warning and continued anyway. I married a woman who I loved, but things didn't last long. I was prosecuted for using the identity I had given myself to marry, and found guilty. I was shot for cowardice in a state court room, in the head, before I was found innocent by supreme court once again.

At this point my body had began to shut down, so I was in a coma for some time before waking after this episode. Waking up, I was given permission to continue my identity as a male, but limited by the identification I was given. To protect me, the witness protection program put my still child sized self into witness protection as a child, and I was returned to a foster family. The good news was, I was given an implant and an opportunity to try a brand new synthetic human growth hormone: Somatostasin. Now in Alaska, my life became vivid. I had had multiple near death experiences, and now I was in the foster family I couldn't remember, yet still the same one who had attacked me. However, I had the chance to grow up like everyone else and a chance to overcome my stunted growth.

I lived in a small house on the outskirts of Fairbanks with my half sister, my mother, and my mothers husband. Life felt strange: It was clearly fragile, and yet it seemed so perserverant. I held on.

Having sustained significant brain injury at this point, I looked and acted like a child. I had no memories of my past trauma. I returned to kindergarten, where I misbehaved with the childeren, but learned quickly. I couldn't read or write however, aside from individual letters I copied, and was quickly caught up in problems. My foster father, Jerry, was very concerned that once I learned to read and write I would testify against him for what he had done to me. Now I almost had the upper hand, a second chance at growing up with my children, and a second chance at learning. Jerry had a gun, which I was afraid of, and didn't seem pleased with me around. Another foster family of mine was visiting looking to give me a new home, but they were too late to do anything but change the course of the bullet. Jerry shot me, this time in the arm, senselessly attacking me for his own personal gain. He didn't want to suffer prosecution, and chose to attempt to take my life instead.

He was unsuccessful, but he did manage to hurt me. I passed out from the pain and blood loss, and when I awoke fully I was back home already. Jerry was claiming it was an accident, getting rid of the gun, and thinking of new ways to take my life. But I was determined to stay alive no matter the struggle.

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