Chapter 15 - Home

Home was back with my parents in Germany. My parents were delighted to see me, though deeply upset and embarassed for what had happened to me in Alaska. My family decided it was best to keep me with them instead of somewhere else in foster care, and I implored them to keep me there as long as I could. The more I began to understand the languages they spoke the more clear to me it was what had gone wrong. By nearly thirsting and starving to death in the wild I had stunted my growth. Doctors told me that I would spend the rest of my life looking like a four year old, in fact I had turned four over the summer where I was missing in the wild.

I was determined to overcome this: I knew that medical science was advanced, and I had to credit myself. I had survived months in the wilderness, I was not the dumbest kid out there. I figured doctors would give me something to fix what had been done to me, but from here the details get obscured. I'm not even sure where home was. My brain may have been damaged by what happened, so I don't know exactly what happened. For some reason I moved back to America after a while, I remember this because I lived on a farm with a foster family, and I lived there more than several years before moving back to Europe. This period of my life was rather uneventful, somewhat like a transient stage where little I can recall was said and done. I was speaking somewhat clearly, I spoke several languages fairly fluently for my age, but I could tell I was falling behind the other children, not only in my growth but in my intellectual capability too.

I recall having difficulty in understanding complex conversations, difficulty reading and writing, and especially difficulty with mathematics. The only thing that came easily to me was the music I wrote. Not even the music I could read and occasionally played from memory was simple to me. This difficulty continued for many years with little change in it's extent, except by comparison to other children. I was by far one of the slowest I knew.

However, stunted growth didn't stop my body from doing what it does naturally. I hit puberty at the young age of seven years old, and quickly became pregnant. I knew the child was mine: I may have been slow, but I wasn't slow enough not to understand where children come from. I had impregnated myself, it musn't have been very difficult, as both my male and female organs were fertile at the time. I gave birth in a foster home, early, to an extremley tiny, barley breathing infant. We took her to the hospital and breathed for her on the way as she stopped breathing. She spent several weeks in the ICU before she was ready to come home with us. Despite her very low birth weight, she was relativley healthy at such a young age. And the best part was, she was mine.

I named her Katrina, because at the time, I really loved cats. I wanted a daughter I could call Kat, because I thought the name was very cute. I love her with all of my heart and wish I could see her more often. She was truly a gift to me, to see despite all I had to get through before her birth, I was still able to experience the joy of having a child all by myself, a very special joy to an intersex mother. I experienced this joy several times before I turned fourteen, both as a mother and a father, and it still brings me joy to know my children are out there in the world.

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